I don't really believe how words can describe feelings. Maybe it's just because I'm not an expressive type. It's the last day of 2018, I don't have any resolution for next year. I just want everything to be simple. I used to look forward for the new year, you know, the typical New Year, New Me? But some years were really tough, it's feels like the end of the world when it's just February. Looking forward to the next year for a fresh start is getting harder and harder. But what can you do when life's putting you on test? I stop waiting for a new year. Every year will not be easy. I just have to be strong and prepare myself for the unknown battles next year. 

This year is amazing. I've been through a lot weird stuff, it feels awful when I'm in the middle of it. But when I looked back, I feel proud of myself. Regardless how I handled those stuff, making myself able to say goodbye to the things that influence you is a big achievement. What I truly feel this year was, no matter what shit happens, it happens for a reason. Learn from it and you can kiss it goodbye. Don't dwell on the negativity because at the end of the day, it's your life. I won't want my life to be full of negativity when I looked back. 

Change is the only way to get out of the unfavorable situation. I used to hate the idea of changing, it scares me to do something different. I still find it hard now but when you're stuck, no one can help you. Fight back, don't let the reality hits you. 

Stay strong and welcome 2019.

Finding Peace

I've taken a long long holiday since June. I guess I really do need that to brush off the stress I've accumulated for almost two years. I don't know since when my happy go lucky vibe is gone and I'm left with an old gloomy soul. It took me two years to realize that I need to save myself. These days I've been thinking, do depression comes from being too self-centered? When you think you should fight for yourself, when you think you are being mistreated? But at the same time, if you weren't that focused on yourself, would you feel offended? 

I am amazed how human mind can change in a split second. Sometimes, just a insignificant words can make your whole life different. Since I've nothing much on my plate now, I should always remind myself what is important and save myself from unnecessary stress. 

Enjoy the moment. 

Old but wise.

Small discovery

My best friend noticed some changes in me. She can't tell what it was but it was something good. Well, I guess that's something positive for the first time for this whole period. Did I finally get hold of my life? Did I manage to find the balance? The answer is no. I learned my lesson. You won't see things coming. When you feel like you had it all, bad things happen. It might sound pessimistic but for now I think the only thing that's safe to stick with is minding your own business first before you meddle with others. Settle those predictable ones so I'll have time for the unpredictable ones.

These days I find it effective to defy frustration with a smile. At least I feel better. I was too overwhelmed by the anger and I forgot how I used to be. I fear that one day my loved ones no longer recognized me. I need to manage my emotions. It was good to let it out sometimes, but I got carried away and was constantly stuck in it. I felt defeated by the changes that happened around me but things really do get better because people grow and get stronger. Instead of being defeated, I look forward to the day where I overcome it and learn from it. 

Surprisingly, I might starting to like changes.